the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
