My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
