Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He passed out mid-signature
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
