Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
