the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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