mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
