I got chris browned last night
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
