i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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