Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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