also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
