I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I can't turn off my feet"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
