Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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