Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
