Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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