I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
