god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
