While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Randomize
