I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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