No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
