I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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