You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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