I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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