Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
