I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
