you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
