oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
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