He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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