I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
