just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
