Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
