I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
