I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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