can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
soo... how was my night?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
