I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
so let's talk penis.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
