This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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