Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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