I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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