We tried having a conversation with our noses.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
