I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
