I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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