My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
