in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
