in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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