I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
