The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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