sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
this is an emotional support booty call
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
