My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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