once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
