well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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