Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
