I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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