Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
