Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
