Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
