you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Randomize
