Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You made out with two different species that night
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
