watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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