I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
