She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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