just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
