eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
